


fite me

by aussielinevevo



Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy, Halsey, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, The 1975 (Band), Twenty One Pilots, dan and phil, fantastic foursome - Fandom, fifth harmony - Fandom, mileschronicles, troye sivan - Fandom
Genre: F/F, Gen, M/M, Multi, groupchat au, nonbinary!dan, patrick is so pure, ryan wants a divorce, shitpost, this is seriously so fucking stupid it's amazing, troye and beebo are the main shitposters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2017-07-20
Packaged: 2018-12-04 15:31:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 9,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11558133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aussielinevevo/pseuds/aussielinevevo
Summary: a groupchat au that everyone has done but this one has people that have never even met in it wooo





	1. hey nO

[one boob two beeb added iamhalsey, stumpy stump, yEET WENTZ, weekely, ryro, herd, fronk, jish on the drooms and ukulelerapbøy to the chat]

[one boob two beeb named the chat homosecksals™]

herd: brendon, you spelt homosexuals wrong

one boob two beeb: i did it for the memes™

iamhalsey: beebo i'm bi

yEET WENTZ: same

one boob two beeb: shut your goddamn whore mouth

ukulelerapbøy: wATCH YOUR LANGUAGE BRENDON

one boob two beeb: n o

yEET WENTZ: brendon,,,,,,, you forgot the ultimate gay™

iamhalsey: ikr

one boob two beeb: EXCUSE ME IM RIGHT HERE

one boob two beeb: I MADE THIS CHAT

one boob two beeb: I BIRTHED THIS CHAT

one boob two beeb: I AM THE FATHER

one boob two beeb: call me daddy

herd: i'm good

weekely: yeah no

ryro: nope

one boob two beeb: DALLON YOU WERE MY FAV SIDE HOE

one boob two beeb: and ryan,,, why the sudden change of heart ???

ryro: SHUT TF UP

fronk: *guitar* stfu

weekely: 1) gross 2) how many side hoes do you have ???

iamhalsey: beebo i'm adding him

one boob two beeb: who ???

iamhalsey: the ultimate gay™

one boob two beeb: eXCUSE ME

[iamhalsey added itz ya boy troye to the chat]

itz ya boy troye: howdy hey i'm fucken gay

herd: it's everyone's fav homosexual

stumpy stump: hey troye !!!

one boob two beeb: [a meme of fetus hansol from seventeen with the text saying some emo shit idk]

itz ya boy troye: don't be so emo brendon istg

jish on the drooms: i just woke up what is this

ukulelerapbøy: hey troye

itz ya boy troye: heyo

fronk: istg troye stop saying heyo

itz ya boy troye: heyNO

fronk: troye please

itz ya boy troye: [photo of hansol from seventeen flipping off the camera on smtm4]

itz ya boy troye: heck off

ukulelerapbøy: see troye is a good influence be like troye

one boob two beeb: fite me

itz ya boy troye: beebo i will pull up in la on a fucking kangaroo and actually fucken deck you

one boob two beeb: w0w r00d

jish on the drooms: can i leave

ukulelerapbøy: don't leave me with them

ukulelerapbøy: take me away boys

one boob two beeb: as the daddy of this chat i say no

fronk: i say you stop calling yourself daddy

iamhalsey: yeah save it for ryan and dallon

weekely: don't drag us into this ashley

yEET WENTZ: hey patrick wanna go get coffee so we don't have to talk to these people

stumpy stump: pete since when do you leave the house before 3pm

yEET WENTZ: since now

ukulelerapbøy: take us with you

itz ya boy troye: heyo

iamhalsey: troye please think of the children

herd: he is a children

itz ya boy troye: eXCUSE ME I AM AN AUSTRALIA

weekely: troye,,,,,,,,,, honey,,,,,,,,,,, no,,,,,,,,,,,

itz ya boy troye: hEYO

iamhalsey: TROYE PLEASE

itz ya boy troye: heyNO

itz ya boy troye: heyNOW

one boob two beeb: YOURE AN ALLSTAR

[ryro has left the chat]

[one boob two beeb has added ryro to the chat]

one boob two beeb: you can never escape ryan

ryro: goddammit

itz ya boy troye: HEYO

iamhalsey: TROYE


	2. the australia

weekely: i have a confession to make

weekely: i have never seen high school musical

ukulelerapbøy: WHAT THE FRICK DALLON YOU DIPCRAP

ryro: never have i seen anyone not swear so much

ukulelerapbøy: frick and dipcrap are swears

[jish on the drooms has changed the group name to 'we're not all in this together']

itz ya boy troye: ty, honey, no

ukulelerapbøy: IM JUST TRYING TO FIT IN HECK YOU ALL

jish on the drooms: excuse me i am your boyfriend

ukulelerapbøy: HECK ALL OF YOU BUT JOSH

stumpy stump: I DIDNT DO ANYTHING

ukulelerapbøy: HECK ALL OF YOU BUT JOSH AND PATRICK

herd: well done tyler you did it

iamhalsey: a+ for effort

fronk: f- for achievement

one boob two beeb: can i change the group name

yEET  WENTZ: no

one boob two beeb: please

herd: no

one boob two beeb: i thought y'all loved me

fronk: DID YOU JUST SAY YALL

one boob two beeb: fite me frank n furter

fronk: that's not an insult

one boob two beeb: f i t e m e

fronk: no

itz ya boy troye: breadbin i will fly to america from perth just to fuckin deck you if you don't stop your bullshit

one boob two beeb: wow violent

itz ya boy troye: i'll fuckin shank ya

herd: troye you keep getting more and more australian by the second

itz ya boy troye: as i said yesterday, i am an australia

weekely: troye sleep

itz ya boy troye: sleep is for the weak

ryro: you are pretty lanky dude

itz ya boy troye: eXCUSE ME

itz ya boy troye: DONT DUDE ME

itz ya boy troye: how dare ????

itz ya boy troye: and i'll have you know that i carry all this self loathing around everyday so i must be pretty fucken strong m8

weekely: but yes i haven't seen hsm

jish on the drooms: and you are a disgrace to humanity

weekely: HEY

ukulelerapbøy: he's right

weekely: H E Y

jish on the drooms: dallon next time we see you we're making you watch hsm

weekely: i d o n t w a n t t o

itz ya boy troye: do it for the australia

ryro: "the australia"

weekely: one singular australia

ukulelerapbøy: not multiple australia

jish on the drooms: just the one australia

itz ya boy troye: ye

one boob two beeb: hey troye

itz ya boy troye: heyo

fronk: STOP SAYING HEYO

iamhalsey: TROYE NO

itz ya boy troye: H E Y O

weekely: why tf do you two hate troye saying heyo let the australia live his dreams

itz ya boy troye: YEAH LISTEN TO DALLON LET ME LIVE MY DREAMS

jish on the drooms: well dallon hasn't seen hsm so he's not exactly reliable

ukulelerapbøy: tru that

weekely: fite me joshler

ukulelerapbøy: no

weekely: w o w

itz ya boy troye: i came here to have a good time

yEET WENTZ: TROYE ISTG

itz ya boy troye: and i'm honestly feeling so attacked rn

iamhalsey: T R O Y E S T O P

itz ya boy troye: w o w r00d stop bullying me ashley

iamhalsey: eXCUSE ME TROOT SEVEN

itz ya boy troye: see u in court sweaty :)

one boob two beeb: my troot

one boob two beeb: my troot is yours

one boob two beeb: slipping on flies shitting waterfalls

one boob two beeb: my troot

one boob two beeb: my troot is yours

one boob two beeb: pun away now we're forever poor

itz ya boy troye: imma make that my next single

herd: why am i in this chat

yEET WENTZ: bc you love us gee

fronk: oi tHATS MAH BOYFRIEND

itz ya boy troye: excUSE ME I AM THE TOKEN AUSTRALIA HERE

weekely: i will not get over troye calling himself "an australia"

itz ya boy troye: fite me

jish on the drooms: no

ukulelerapbøy: anYWAY josh

jish on the drooms: ye

ukulelerapbøy: i'm cold cuddle me n o w

jish on the drooms: f i i i n e

ukulelerapbøy: :))) <333

jish on the drooms: <333

itz ya boy troye: lmao i'm the only single person here

iamhalsey: what about me m8y

itz ya boy troye: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

iamhalsey: .........

itz ya boy troye: fite me

weekely: no one's going to fite you troye

iamhalsey: you live on the other side of the world

itz ya boy troye: fite me from across the ocean

iamhalsey: no

itz ya boy troye: okay i'm gonna sleep bc it's 2am here lmao the australia needs his sleep

weekely: "the australia"

itz ya boy troye: yes we have established this

iamhalsey: OKAY ARE WE NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT WHAT TROYE SAID

itz ya boy troye: nope

iamhalsey: okay

weekely: "t h e a u s t r a l i a"


	3. hi i'm barry b benson and welcome to bee puns: the movie

one boob two beeb: heY FRIENDOS

one boob two beeb: FRENLIBOBS

one boob two beeb: GOOD OL PALS

one boob two beeb: M8YS

itz ya boy troye: i aM THE AUSTRALIA NOT YOU BREADBIN

one boob two beeb: "breadbin"

[one boob two beeb changed their name to breadbin]

breadbin: i love it

herd: what the fuck do you want beeb movie

breadbin: IM

iamhalsey: brendon you asshat just tell us the thing

breadbin: i just made ryan watch all four shrek movies and all the holiday specials

ryro: i hate you

breadbin: love you too :))))

ryro: no


	4. i'm gay let's make out

breadbin: okay so i have a question

fronk: no

breadbin: no i have a question you can't disagree with that

fronk: yes i can fite me

itz ya boy troye: brendon what's your question

iamhalsey: troye since when are you nice

itz ya boy troye: who said i was nice i'll fite them

herd: he's back

breadbin: dammit

itz ya boy troye: oi fuk off m8

breadbin: [photo of a wikihow image that says "hold birb gentle like hamburger"]

fronk: brendon wtf is that

breadbin: okay that was the wrong photo but l00k

stumpy stump: no

breadbin: why does everyone disagree with things they can't disagree with tHATS NOT HOW THIS WORKS

itz ya boy troye: no

ryro: i want a divorce

breadbin: i was going to say that we aren't even married but then i realised that we are

ryro: @everyone in this chat marry me so i can get a divorce

iamhalsey: why not

ryro: okay i am married to everyone

yEET WENTZ: only ashley agreed to your gay shit

stumpy stump: pete you are gay shit

yEET WENTZ: still

ryro: shut up pete we're married

yEET WENTZ: how dare ???

itz ya boy troye: swiper no swiping

herd: troye wtf

itz ya boy troye: ummmm you haven't seen dora ??? binch ????

fronk: okay troye is actually 7

herd: wtf is dora

itz ya boy troye: ummmmmmm

itz ya boy troye: [photo of dora]

herd: troye wtf

itz ya boy troye: vámonos

herd: what

itz ya boy troye: b a c k p a c k

[iamhalsey has left the chat]

[itz ya boy troye has added iamhalsey to the chat]

[itz ya boy troye has changed their name to the map]

the map: s w i p e r n o s w i p i n g

stumpy stump: why is this happening

ryro: troye no

breadbin: what're you guys talking about let the australia be the map

the map: i m t h e m a p

ukulelerapbøy: yes we got that

jish on the drooms: gerard you have a child how do you not know dora

herd: no one watches tv josh

the map: hAVE YOU DEPRIVED YOUR CHILD OF D O R A

ukulelerapbøy: troye p l e a s e

the map: iM THE MAP


	5. the f00kin wiggles

[the map has changed their name to wake up jeff]

breadbin: troye why

wake up jeff: shut the fuck up nodnerb

breadbin: nODNERB

[breadbin has changed their name to nodnerb]

iamhalsey: nodnerb literally means nothing but it's the perfect way to describe him. wow.

herd: ashley no one in this chat uses proper punctuation so stop

iamhalsey: fuck

iamhalsey: you

wake up jeff: toot

stumpy stump: wait is wake up jeff from another kids show

jish on the drooms: prolly

wake up jeff: toot

yEET WENTZ: troye what

wake up jeff: chugga

iamhalsey: i kNOW THIS SONG Y E S S S S S

wake up jeff: chugga

yEET WENTZ: this whole thing is a big mood tbh

nodnerb: wtf ashley hoW DO YOU KNOW THIS SONG

iamhalsey: i am a young people

wake up jeff: big

nodnerb: ;;;;;;;;;;;;;))))))))))))

ryro: brendon you're just lying to the chat now

nodnerb: WTF RYAN

iamhalsey: at least he's finally admitting to his gay shit™

jish on the drooms: i don't get it what

ukulelerapbøy: you'll get it when you're older josh

wake up jeff: red

ryro: hey has anyone seen gerard and frank

yEET WENTZ: no bc we all live in different places and this conversation is happening online

ukulelerapbøy: shut the heck up pete

nodnerb: woah slow down there tyler

nodnerb: so eDgY

herd: this is why frank and i both muted this shit show

wake up jeff: car

iamhalsey: what a bop

fronk: what

nodnerb: you'll get it when you're older frank

fronk: i'm older than you barry beeb benson wtf

nodnerb: w0w really feelin the love™ from this chat

wake up jeff: we'll

weekely: why is troye taking so long to type out just one word every few messages

ryro: i honestly have no explanation

stumpy stump: maybe it's being used specifically to break up the individual conversations and plot points happening at once

weekely: what

ryro: what

wake up jeff: travel

iamhalsey: how tf do the rest of you not know this song

yEET WENTZ :because most of us aren't literal children

ukulelerapbøy: as opposed to figurative and hyperbolic children

yEET WENTZ: shut

iamhalsey: i'll have you know i'm at least 9 and troye is at least 7

wake up jeff: near

nodnerb: idk what everyone's problem w this is i think it's gr9

jish on the drooms: hey ty

ukulelerapbøy: w0t

jish on the drooms: can you pass me my glass of water

ukulelerapbøy: ,,,,,,,,,,,

ukulelerapbøy: i'm practically sitting in your lap rn you could've said that out loud

ukulelerapbøy: and get it yourself ????

nodnerb: wow kinky tyler

ukulelerapbøy: shut the frick up

wake up jeff: and

iamhalsey: wELL TRAVEL FAAAAAAAAR

nodnerb: ashley wtf

iamhalsey: shut tf up nodnerb

wake up jeff: TOOT TOOT CHUGGA CHUGGA BIG RED CAR

wake up jeff: WERE GONNA RIDE THE WHOLE DAY LONG

nodnerb: kinky

wake up jeff: no

nodnerb: :^)

wake up jeff: HOW DARE YOU DESECRATE THE F00KIN WIGGLES OKAY THEYRE BLOODY LEGENDS

fronk: i think troye has hit peak australia™

wake up jeff: i a m a n a u s t r a l i a


	6. troy bolting away from this bullshit

[wake up jeff changed their name to my little brother george]

nodnerb: oh god not again

my little brother george: oink oink motherfucker

iamhalsey: okay not even i know where this is from

herd: i do

my little brother george: ayyyyyyyy

herd: how tf do you know the wiggles and not know this

herd: like the wiggles is an australian exclusive™ this isn't

iamhalsey: what is it then

herd: i disagree

fronk: wtf does that mean

herd: yes

[herd has changed their name to muddy puddles]

yEET WENTZ: oh jesus no

muddy puddles: yes

fronk: the apocalypse is here

[my little brother george has changed nodnerb's name to daddy]

daddy: well if you're into that

ryro: i feel betrayed

[my little brother george has changed ryro's name to mummy]

[my little brother george has changed fronk's name to dinesaur]

dinesaur: wtf

[my little brother george has changed weekely's name to suzie]

[my little brother george has changed iamhalsey's name to miss rabbit]

yEET WENTZ: troye istg if you change my name i'm going to deck you

[my little brother george has changed yEET WENTZ's name to madame gazelle]

madame gazelle: fuk off

[my little brother george has changed stumpy stump's name to mr potato]

mr potato: is anyone going to tell me what's going on

muddy puddles: no

daddy: what'd'ya mean patrick i think this is great

fronk: get your kinks out of the chat nodnerb

madame gazelle: troye what have you done

[my little brother george has changed jish on the drooms' name to ginger the goldfish]

[my little brother george has changed ukulelerapbøy's name to gøldie the gøldfish]

gøldie the gøldfish: at least my a e s t h e t i c hasn't been ruined

my little brother george: *john "the dwayne rockson" voice* you're welcome

muddy puddles: no

my little brother george: [photo of maui from moana doing finger guns™]

madame gazelle: gUYS I FOUND IT

my little brother george: s h i t

madame gazelle: [screenshot of a google search for "my little brother george" that shows an image of the small blue pig from peppa pig. pete's phone is on 17%]

mr potato: pETE CHARGE YOUR PHONE

madame gazelle: I AM

dinesaur: why is that all you're talking about when we have discovered troye and gerard's s e c r e t

daddy: because

mummy: i am very uncomfortable with nodnerb's name being daddy

daddy: that's not what you said last night

my little brother george: hEYO

mummy: WERE ON OPPOSITE SIDES OF THE COUNTRY RN NODNERB YOU LUNCH BAG

my little brother george: YOU JUST GOT PRANKED

my little brother george: W A I T

mr skinny legs: TROYE NO


	7. ryan just got bamboozled

[my little brother george has changed their name to the van]

the van: hERE THEY COME THEYRE ON A ROLL WHERE THEYLL STRIKE NOBODY KNOOOOOOOWS

madame gazelle: why do you feel the need to do this everyday

the van: idk it's almost like an excuse to further the plot

madame gazelle: what

[the van has changed daddy's name to scotty tweedie]

scotty tweedie: i miss being daddy can i change it back

mummy: nodnerb gET YOUR KINKS OUT OF THE CHAT

[the van has changed mummy's name to prank'd]

prank'd: why would you drag me into this shit

[the van has changed mr potato's name to vest]

miss rabbit: okay i don't know what this is

[the van has changed miss rabbit's name to those weird animations between each segment wtf]

those weird animations between each segment wtf: brendon hasn't talked for a while is he okay

the van: :^)

madame gazelle: TROYE NO

scotty tweedie: i kNOW WHAT THIS IS Y E S S S S

the van: YE E E E E E E E E

gøldie the gøldfish: troye what the heck

[the van has changed gøldie the gøldfish's name to ninja øne]

[the van has changed ginger the goldfish's name to ninja twø]

ninja øne: bless your soul troye

the van: welc

 

[the van has changed muddy puddles' name to badge]

badge: hell yeah

madame gazelle: gerard do you even know what's going on

badge: nope

madame gazelle: but ????

badge: h e l l y e a h

[the van has changed dinesaur's name to that asshole kid with the blue hair]

that asshole kid with the blue hair: shouldn't that be ashley

those weird animations between each segment wtf: shut the fuck up fronk oreo

ninja øne: YOU JUST GOT PRANKED

[the van has changed weekely's name to cameras]

ninja twø: dallon where have you been

scotty tweedie: :^)

cameras: BRENDON WE ALL LIVE IN COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PARTS OF AMERICA AND ALSO AUSTRALIA AND HALF OF US ARE TOURING RN WEVE BEEN OVER THIS

scotty tweedie: but if we weren't then :^)

cameras: no comment

ninja øne: oooOOOOHHHHHH

ninja twø: oooooooooOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH

the van: shit

the van: i have run out of names

madame gazelle: thank fucking jesus

the van: WAIT

vest: please refrain from fucking jesus

ninja twø: PATRICK NO

ninja øne: MY FELLOW BEAN

[the van has changed madame gazelle's name to scotty's emo ass hair]

scotty's emo ass hair: troye why

the van: all is complete

scotty tweedie: hey ryan

prank'd: [read 2:43pm]

scotty tweedie: ryan please

the van: nodnerb i don't think he's gonna reply

prank'd: [read 2:44pm]

ninja twø: tyler you moved and now i'm cold get your butt back here

ninja øne: i'm getting food geez i'll be back in a minute

ninja twø: that doesn't change the fact that you left and now i'm c o l d

ninja twø: also please get me a red bull while you're up

ninja øne: okay

ninja øne: <3

ninja twø: <3

badge: domestic™

that asshole kid with the blue hair: cute

ninja øne: shush

cameras: ryannnnnnnnnnn

prank'd: [read 2:47pm]

cameras: ryan respond to brendon he keeps messaging me ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

prank'd: [read 2:59pm]

ninja øne: ryan please do it for dallon

the van: :^)

those weird animations between each segment wtf: troye n o

prank'd: [read 3:01pm]

cameras: R Y A N


	8. tw0 y00t00bz

[the van has changed their name to itz ya boy troye]

[scotty's emo ass hair has changed their name to rip]

rip: thank fucking jesus

vest: like i said, please refrain from fucking jesus

ninja øne: PATRICK N O

[vest has changed their name to stumpy stump]

[ninja øne has reset everyone's names]

ukulelerapbøy: this would've taken way too long okay

jish on the drooms: yeah prolly

itz ya boy troye: also i'm gonna add tw0 y00t00bz

rip: what

[itz ya boy troye has added xxfidgetspinnerz4lyfexx and snowdude to the chat]

xxfidgetspinnerz4lyfexx: phil wtf

snowdude: heckin says you

herd: troye wtf who are these people and why is one of them a 12 year old scene kid

xxfidgetspinnerz4lyfexx: IM 26 YEARS OLD

snowdude: no you're not

xxfidgetspinnerz4lyfexx: okay

itz ya boy troye: oh yeah i added danyul jems hoewell and flip mikel leestr

xxfidgetspinnerz4lyfexx: excuse me troot

itz ya boy troye: you a hoe

xxfidgetspinnerz4lyfexx: tru

itz ya boy troye: one thicc bih

xxfidgetspinnerz4lyfexx: xD xD

herd: what the hecc

fronk: someone save me from this hell™

one boob two beeb: i miss being daddy

ryro: no you don't

one boob two beeb: yOU CANT TELL ME WHAT TO DO RYAN

ryro: what

one boob two beeb: GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM MOM

itz ya boy troye: brendon wtf

jish on the drooms: brendon stop being a brendick

one boob two beeb: ryan wants the brendick

ryro: NO I DONT YOU FUCKING PAINTBRUSH

[one boob two beeb has changed their name to brendick]

brendick: this is my second fav name yes

xxfidgetspinnerz4lyfexx: what's your first ????

ryro: dAN NO

[brendick has changed their name to daddy]

[ryro has changed their name to suffering]

daddy: much better

[rip has changed daddy's name to paintbrush]

suffering: i hate you all

snowdude: WE JUST GOT HERE

suffering: okay i don't hate phil

xxfidgetspinnerz4lyfexx: i was going to say what about me but then i remembered my username

[xxfidgetspinners4lyfexx has changed their name to i want death]

itz ya boy troye: [regret intensifies]

i want death: i couldnt think of any nonbinary puns okay

ukulelerapbøy: i'll try n think of some hang on

i want death: thank :)))

ukulelerapbøy: welc :)))

snowdude: anyway who are you people

iamhalsey: bisexual satan

paintbrush: also bisexual satan

fronk: death

herd: frank yesterday you saw a puppy when we were walking to the store and you actually started giggling

fronk: death but soft™

herd: apparently i'm a vampire or some shit ??? idk man conspiracy theories are weird

rip: well patrick's the guy with the hats and i'm screaming

jish on the drooms: yellow highlighter

ukulelerapbøy: screaming egg

i want death: well gee thanks guys

snowdude: hey dan

i want death: yeah

snowdude: can you pass me the remote

i want death: 1) you're closer to it than me get it yourself and 2) i'm sitting right fucking next to you just say it out loud

i want death: he just said it out loud pHIL YOU DONT NEED TO TELL ME AGAIN IK WHAT YOU SAID

snowdude: well you said to say it out loud

i want death: t h i s i s n t w h a t i m e a n t


	9. kangaroo rat

i want death: apparently there's a thing that exists called a kangaroo rat

iamhalsey: omg i love troye

itz ya boy troye: fuk off

suffering: she's right tho

weekely: i just woke up who are these people

snowdude: wow r00d

weekely: wtf is a snowdude

i want death: it's a long story

suffering: dallon how did you just wake up they got here yesterday

weekely: i was sleeping

paintbrush: yeah we got that

rip: dallon i don't even sleep that much jesus christ dude

stumpy stump: yeah that's bad dallon

weekely: s h u s h

jish on the drooms: hey guys

jish on the drooms: guess what

rip: no

jish on the drooms: pETE YOU CANT DISAGREE WITH THAT

iamhalsey: JOSH LET HIM LIVE HIS DREAMS

jish on the drooms: n o

snowdude: what were you saying josh

jish on the drooms: oh yeah right i was saying a thing

itz ya boy troye: josh you weren't saying anything this isn't a verbal conversation

ukulelerapbøy: s h u s h

jish on the drooms: aNYWAY i have decided to go to pride with tyler who's in?

iamhalsey: IM GOING YES

ukulelerapbøy: ashley since when do you display enthusiasm

iamhalsey: gay

ukulelerapbøy: oh right yeah

i want death: phil and i are in la rn for a youtube thing we could go

snowdude: yes

suffering: brendon just started screaming "YES" at me over skype

snowdude: wait you're skyping rn ???

herd: he could've said it in the chat ???

fronk: you guys are typing in the chat and skyping at the same time ?????

weekely: iM NOT IN THIS SKYPE CALL RN ????????????

itz ya boy troye: i'm literally about to fly out to la in two hours i'm so going

stumpy stump: why are you going to america ?????

itz ya boy troye: why, to further the plot of course!

herd: i hate this chat so much

paintbrush: i think everyone does

itz ya boy troye: gee i don't know what you fellas are talking about this chat is swell

[iamhalsey has removed themselves from the chat]

[paintbrush has added iamhalsey to the chat]

iamhalsey: it was worth a shot

itz ya boy troye: haven't we already established that no one can leave this chat

rip: okay yeah

iamhalsey: also do y'all mind if i add someone

paintbrush: go ahead

[iamhalsey has added laurenj to the chat]

iamhalsey: lauren you have the most boring username wtf

laurenj: i don't think i can compete with some of the people here from what you've told me

itz ya boy troye: *crying*

fronk: what

itz ya boy troye: mY SHIP Y E S S S S

ukulelerapbøy: @lauren idk how to pronounce your last name so i'm going with "youreagay"

laurenj: perfect

[laurenj has changed their name to lauren youreagay]

lauren youreagay: i can now compete with whoever i want death is

snowdude: that would be dan

i want death: i cOULDNT THINK OF A NONBINARY PUN

ukulelerapbøy: IM WORKING ON IT HAKUNA YOUR DADS


	10. @dan stop

snowdude: i just found out that whenever dan sees a bunny they start being really cute and squishing their face and omg they're adorable i'm so queer

i want death: shut the fuck up phil

snowdude: see so cute

ukulelerapbøy: dAN I FINALLY FIGURED OUT A PUN

i want death: what

ukulelerapbøy: so you aren't male or female and also really like bunnies yeah?

i want death: yeah

ukulelerapbøy: well i guess you're

[ukulelerapbøy has changed i want death's name to nonbunnary]

nonbunnary: i love it bless your soul tyler

ukulelerapbøy: thank you thank you

lauren youreagay: GUYS

jish on the drooms: what

lauren youreagay: i love kesha that is all

iamhalsey: SAME

ukulelerapbøy: S A M E

[nonbunnary has named the chat kesha is a blessing]

paintbrush: yes

suffering: everyone agrees yes

stumpy stump: yep

snowdude: okay then

itz ya boy troye: IM IN LA BITCHES

nonbunnary: troye do you even have a lift from the airport

itz ya boy troye: i think so ?? unless he bailed but then i can get an uber

fronk: okay try not to die troye

itz ya boy troye: yeah okay sure

rip: who's picking you up though

itz ya boy troye: a friend of mine

snowdude: oh okay

nonbunnary: okay yeah cool

rip: how do you guys know who he's talking about ???

nonbunnary: it's a youtube thing don't worry about it

paintbrush: no but who

itz ya boy troye: jesus is

suffering: what

itz ya boy troye: miles

jish on the drooms: who the heck is miles

ukulelerapbøy: wAIT I KNOW HIM

[itz ya boy troye has added godhatesmiles to the chat]

itz ya boy troye: meet jesus everyone

godhatesmiles: my branding is very contradictory

nonbunnary: ayyyy waddup you meme loving fuck

paintbrush: *fucc

nonbunnary: shut up

godhatesmiles: nice name dan

nonbunnary: thanks, tyler came up with it

godhatesmiles: good pun tyler

ukulelerapbøy: thanks

godhatesmiles: so there's two genderqueer people in this chat

snowdude: i think so

fronk: i'm pretty sure gerard doesn't know

herd: yeah essentially so let's go with 2.5

godhatesmiles: okay there's 2.5 genderqueer people in this chat

it's ya boy troye: miles aren't you driving

godhatesmiles: no i'm waiting for your ass hurry the fuck up

itz ya boy troye: no

godhatesmiles: wait what are you disagreeing with

itz ya boy troye: yes

godhatesmiles: tROYE THATS NOT HOW THIS WORKS

ukulelerapbøy: DAN

nonbunnary: WHAT

ukulelerapbøy: [photo of a cute bunny i hAVE A PROBLEM]

snowdude: THEY JUST MADE THE CUTEST FACE IM DEAD

nonbunnary: SHUT UP

snowdude: [photo of dan doing the squishy face thing. you know the thing]

snowdude: LOOK THEYRE ADORABLE

jish on the drooms: SO CUTE

[godhatesmiles has named the chat @dan stop]

nonbunnary: why would you do this to me

snowdude: bc i love you

nonbunnary: ,,,,,,,,,

nonbunnary: love you too

paintbrush: awwwww

nonbunnary: brendon i'll fucking deck you


	11. *screaming*

iamhalsey: TYLER AND JOSH

ukulelerapbøy: yes hello

iamhalsey: HOW D A R E YALL

jish on the drooms: did you just say y'all

itz ya boy troye: no she didn't bc this isn't a verbal conversation u g h

godhatesmiles: shush troye

ukulelerapbøy: what did we do what

iamhalsey: DID YOU SEE YOUR OWN BANDS TWITTER

jish on the drooms: ohhhh yeah that dw about it

iamhalsey: a a a A A A A A

rip: what is going on

stumpy stump: i'll explain later

nonbunnary: guys i am feeling e m o t i o n s pls help

suffering: oh god what happened

snowdude: they just finished rewatching both seasons of mr robot

nonbunnary: TYRELL IS SO GAY I LOVE HIM

snowdude: dan this is not the time

nonbunnary: uuummmMM excuse u it's always time for tyrelliot

snowdude: dan no

nonbunnary: dan yes

weekely: g u y s p l e a s e

suffering: hey brendon's been weirdly quiet today wtf

paintbrush: :^)

suffering: n o

paintbrush: >:^)

suffering: *no intensifies*

paintbrush: >>>:::::^^^^^))))))

herd: how did it get worse ???

fronk: beebo magic

lauren youreagay: oh god no

nonbunnary: ffs lauren

lauren youreagay: i'm s o r r y

godhatesmiles: hello yes i am bOY

iamhalsey: hello boy

godhatesmiles: hello

nonbunnary: yeah hi what the fuck

snowdude: dan pUT THE PILLOW DOWN DONT THROW IT

nonbunnary: a a a a a A A A A A A

snowdude: d a n

nonbunnary: YOU DONT CONTROL ME AAAAAAAAAAAAA

godhatesmiles: wait what

snowdude: they just reminded themselves of a thing that happened in season one and is even more e m o t i o n a l

ukulelerapbøy: dan don't throw things

nonbunnary: okay

snowdude: istg

godhatesmiles: so guys

itz ya boy troye: no

fronk: why is this a thing that keeps happening

weekely: honestly who knows

godhatesmiles: well anyway so we're going to pride yeah

iamhalsey: ya

godhatesmiles: okay cool bc troye barely explained anything about what's happening other than that we're all in la rn

paintbrush: well why aren't we all hanging out irl rn

snowdude: well firstly dan, miles and i are all at vidcon

nonbunnary: and also bc of the beeb

paintbrush: w0w spaniel towel how d a r e you

snowdude: dan i'm changing your name in my phone to spaniel towel

nonbunnary: i fucking stg


	12. prank patrol is my religion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is so short asdfghjkl but i've been super busy w school stuff so yeah

rip: why are we at my house rn

itz ya boy troye: cause

suffering: why are we watching prank patrol

godhatesmiles: why wouldn't we be watching prank patrol

itz ya boy troye: scotty tweedie is my lord and saviour

itz ya boy troye: prank patrol is my religion

iamhalsey: why does troye have the boxset of it

itz ya boy troye: for religious purposes

paintbrush: :^)

jish on the drooms: shut up toothpaste

[paintbrush has changed their name to toothpaste]

toothpaste: yes

lauren youreagay: okay but why did troye BRING the prank patrol boxset

itz ya boy troye: so i can worship daddy scotty

[ukulelerapbøy has removed itz ya boy troye from that chat]

[nonbunnary has added itz ya boy troye to the chat]

itz ya boy troye: w0w how dare you tyler i thought you loved me

ukulelerapbøy: nope

jish on the drooms: wait do you love me

ukulelerapbøy: yes i only love josh and the two queer british ones

snowdude: thanks tyler

ukulelerapbøy: welc

nonbunnary: also stop kinkshaming troot

itz ya boy troye: thank you dan what an inspiration

snowdude: troye don't encourage them

nonbunnary: wow @phil i thought you loved me

snowdude: i do but you gotta stop

nonbunnary: iM NOT GONNA STOP NOT GONNA STOP TIL I GET MY SHOT

weekely: DAN NO

godhatesmiles: DAN YES

[suffering has removed godhatesmiles from the chat]

[nonbunnary has added godhatesmiles to the chat]

godhatesmiles: SEE DAN IS A NICE FRIEND THEYRE GREAT

nonbunnary: THANKS MILES YOURE GREAT TOO

godhatesmiles: :)))))

nonbunnary: :)))))


	13. kesha saved 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the comments on this story have been amazing i'm cackling

itz ya boy troye: aaaaaAAAAAAAAA

godhatesmiles: what

itz ya boy troye: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

snowdude: is he okay

nonbunnary: no no he's not

toothpaste: A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A

suffering: before anyone asks, i can confirm that no he is not okay

lauren youreagay: :^)

iamhalsey: lauren i think i love you

itz ya boy troye: A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A

weekely: ryan and i are sleeping over at brendon's house to make sure he doesn't break anything

nonbunnary: ah yes that's why

suffering: fuck off

weekely: he's been screaming in monotone for five minutes please help

iamhalsey: suffer

[suffering has changed their name to suffering™]

suffering™: he's been listening to praying by kesha for the last four hours

itz ya boy troye: same

godhatesmiles: he actually has been

itz ya boy troye: kesha saved 2017 i love her so much

iamhalsey: we all love her

snowdude: yes

nonbunnary: in this house we all love and support kesha

rip: y e s

snowdude: guys dan just started blasting the camp rock soundtrack wtf

nonbunnary: excuse you phil tHIS IS REAL THIS IS ME IM EXACTLY WHO IM SUPPOSED TO BE

godhatesmiles: YES

suffering™: what the fuck is going on

lauren youreagay: excuse you ryan this is our religion time

suffering™: why do I put up with you people

toothpaste: because you love us ryan

suffering™: shut the fuck up i want a divorce

weekely: ryan get your gay shit out of the chat

nonbunnary: fucking says you dallon

weekely: shut


	14. aaaaaAAAAA

toothpaste: hey what's up flat earthers

[iamhalsey has removed toothpaste from the chat]

suffering™: is anyone going to add him back this time

nonbunnary: probably not

weekely: i think we have to

lauren youreagay: why?

weekely: he just called me and started screaming

itz ya boy troye: what the actual fuck

weekely: he refuses to stop until someone adds him back

suffering™: it's not worth it

godhatesmiles: no no it's not

weekely: g u y s

snowdude: salmon you saw what he said

snowdude: *dallon

snowdude: autocorrect

[iamhalsey has changed weekely's name to salmon]

salmon: guys please

[salmon has added toothpaste to the chat]

toothpaste: oh hi there salmon

[salmon has removed toothpaste from the chat]

stumpy stump: okay so now he's screaming at me

rip: already ???

stumpy stump: he's at my house

lbbh: so he's screaming at you irl

stumpy stump: no he's in the kitchen so he called me

jish on the drooms: oh ffs

rip: DID JOSH JUST SWEAR KIND OF

jish on the drooms: the second f stands for frick

iamhalsey: ffs

iamhalsey: the second f stands for fuck btw

lauren youreagay: how often does nodnerb do this

iamhalsey: too often

[stumpy stump has added toothpaste to the chat]

toothpaste: well hi my favourite cars 3 fans

itz ya boy troye: kachow

[iamhalsey has removed itz ya boy troye from the chat]

[ukulelerapbøy has added itz ya boy troye to the chat]

itz ya boy troye: i feel bullied

toothpaste: yOU FEEL BULLIED

itz ya boy troye: yes i do good reading nodnerb

godhatesmiles: o shiiiiiiiiit

toothpaste: w0w1!1!1!1!1!1!1!!1111!1!1!

salmon: i hate all of you

nonbunnary: no you don't buddy

suffering™: no i think he does


	15. a/n

hey y'all sorry this isn't a new chapter but i was thinking if i should add new people and i was thinking maybe dodie and/or thomas sanders but honestly idk comment who you want me to add and if you want me to add dodie and/or thomas (i think they'd be so fun to write, thomas, phil, tyler and patrick can form the pure squad™) and yeah lmao i'm gay and tired. (also thanks to frangipanejauregui for commenting hilarious shit and making me laugh, bless your soul) watch out for some heckin rad plot twists and shit ahead.


	16. rapscallions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) this is so short sorry asdfghjkl (2) this idea is inspired by frangipanejauregui's comments, they're heckin rad

lauren youreagay: hi i'm l0ren and i loooooove lasagna

rip: what

lauren youreagay: it's 3am okay

itz ya boy troye: jon where my lASAGA

itz ya boy troye: wAIT

[itz ya boy troye has added jonnie boi to the chat]

jonnie boi: what

itz ya boy troye: wHERE MY L A S A G A

godhatesmiles: j o n w h e r e m y l a s a g a

jonnie boi: what is happening why am i here who are you people

toothpaste: that's a lot of questions

nonbunnary: wow good job nodnerb

[jonnie boi has added fef65b and pure to the chat]

jonnie boi: if I have to deal with these people i'm bringing you two with me

fef65b: what

fef65b: oh hey dan and phil

nonbunnary: waddup

pure: wait who is toothpaste

toothpaste: me

lauren youreagay: no shit dumbass

iamhalsey: hey lauren lets get married

lauren youreagay: okay

itz ya boy troye: toothpaste is brendon

pure: okay

rip: who are these three rapscallions

stumpy stump: did pete just say rapscallions

snowdude: jon, dodie and Thomas

stumpy stump: are we just going to ignore the fact that pete said rapscallions

rip: okay hi

fef65b: hi

stumpy stump: okay yes we are alrighty then

itz ya boy troye: did patrick just say alrighty

jonnie boi: yes yes he did

stumpy stump: oH MY GOD

salmon: shush patrick

stumpy stump: a a a a a a A A A A A A A A

salmon: s h u s h


	17. a/n

sorry this isn't an update but i'M SEEING FIFTH HARMONY IN NOVEMBER WOOOOO


	18. ashhole and planet green eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw the next few chapters will be from frangipanejauregui's hilarious comments bc i crack up every time i read them so thank you

lauren youreagay: hey guys

iamhalsey: lauren no

lauren youreagay: guess what

suffering™: what

iamhalsey: l a u r e n p l e a s e

[lauren youreagay has changed iamhalsey's name to ashhole]

ashhole: why would you do this

lauren youreagay: love you

[ashhole has changed their name to y]

y: no

[godhatesmiles has changed y's name to ashhole]

godhatesmiles: it's too good

ashhole: miles i thought we had something

godhatesmiles: no go have something with your wife lauren

ashhole: fuck it

[ashhole has changed lauren youreagay's name to planet green eyes]

ashhole: now we're even

planet green eyes: f i n e

ashhole: also this experience has proven to me that i need to bring in reinforcements

fef65b: i thought we did that last time

pure™: well we're doing it again

jonnie boi: okay

[ashhole has added emo lord to the chat]

emo lord: ashley what who are these people

ashhole: oh hi matty great to talk to you again

emo lord: i saw you yesterday

ashhole: shut the fuck up matty don't make me remove you from this chat

emo lord: please do

suffering™: YOUVE BEEN HERE FOR LIKE TWO SECONDS

toothpaste: YOU ACTUALLY LEFT ALMOST AS SOON AS I MADE THIS CHAT

suffering™: THAT WAS DIFFERENT YOU KEPT CALLING YOURSELF DADDY

toothpaste: ITS NOT MY FAULT THAT YOU GOT DEFENSIVE

jish on the drooms: a lovers' quarrel

suffering™: shut the frick up josh

jish on the drooms: wow r00d okay

planet green eyes: also @ashley are we going to ignore that miles said i'm your wife

ashhole: yeah prolly


	19. operation: make ashley and lauren do the thing

[godhatesmiles has added toothpaste, fef65b, pure™, jonnie boi, itz ya boy troye, suffering™, salmon, emo lord, nonbunnary, snowdude, ukulelerapbøy, jish on the drooms, fronk and herd to the chat]

godhatesmiles: everyone, i am a man on a mission

itz ya boy troye: oh god

snowdude: wait why aren't lauren and ashley here

emo lord: no one tell him

godhatesmiles: anyway so we're gonna make ashley and lauren do the thing

ukulelerapbøy: what thing

fronk: the dating thing

ukulelerapbøy: oh okay thanks frank

fronk: welc

jonnie boi: idk guys you can't make people date

pure™: shush jon yes you can

jonnie boi: okay thomas knows all and we shall listen to him

fef65b: they're basically married anyway

toothpaste: how are we even gonna make them

nonbunnary: "you gays should date"

emo lord: dan is right

godhatesmiles: yes

jish on the drooms: the plan will commence tomorrow

itz ya boy troye: yes

snowdude: oh i just realised why they aren't here

nonbunnary: what the

nonbunnary: phiiiil

toothpaste: i can hear it

nonbunnary: shut the fuck up nodnerb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaaaa sorry this is so short, i've been working nonstop on my sugakookie fic so i haven't had a lot of time to write this but because it's school holidays now there should be at least two chapters a week.


	20. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly idk how to properly write this shit so like fuckin uhhhhhhhhh  
> also i was thinking about adding jenna and julien???? but idk??????

godhatesmiles: okay, lauren, ashley

ashhole: waddup

planet green eyes: what

godhatesmiles: date and get married

godhatesmiles: that is all

ashhole: what

snowdude: you heard the man

itz ya boy troye: tHIS STILL ISNT A VERBAL CONVERSATION

toothpaste: shut up troye yOURE RUINING THE MOMENT

nonbunnary: e v e r y o n e s h u t u p

itz ya boy troye: A A A A A A A A AA A A A A A A A A A A WE ARE ON THE I N T E R N E T

ashhole: we got really off topic here

planet green eyes: yeah yeah we did

jish on the drooms: date

itz ya boy troye: yeah please do

itz ya boy troye: miles keeps screaming at me

itz ya boy troye: but in monotone ???

itz ya boy troye: so it's less of an AAAAAAAAA but more of an aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

emo lord: what the fuck is going on

godhatesmiles: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

planet green eyes: you wanna fuckin uhhhhhhhhhhh do a date @ashley

ashhole: ya

godhatesmiles: R A D I C AL


	21. a/n

sorry this isn't another update bUT i have some ideas for future chapters.  
firstly i was considering adding jenna and julien and possibly some other youtubers but i don't know since there's already a lot of people. secondly, i was thinking about writing ome spooky chapters next month for halloween as it's my favourite holiday. thirdly, i'm not sure where this is going?? like there isn't a linear story or anything but i feel like the main 'story' thing was getting ashley and lauren together and since that's a thing now, i'm not sure what to do next?? so comment some ideas and shit if you have any. okay that's all byee.


	22. look what u DUN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so i’d suggest reading my bts gc fic (it’s called meme connoisseurs) even if you’re not into kpop bc shit’s bouta h a p p e n. also i’m prolly gonna add jenna and julien at some point but honestly idk when bc i’m already finding it hard to include everyone in each chapter so if someone goes missing for a bit that’s why

itz ya boy troye: guys

ashhole: oh god not again

itz ya boy troye: i said one (1) thing 

itz ya boy troye: anyway so i have a conspiracy theory that shane dawson is actually a part of the illuminati but doesn’t want to be and is trying to tell us the truth in his conspiracy videos

emo lord: isn’t that the “hey what’s up you guys, yes” guy

nonbunnary: yep that’s him

emo lord: okay thanks

emo lord: memes of him are all over twitter

snowdude: essentially yes

itz ya boy troye: anyway that’s my mind blowing theory 

itz ya boy troye: also obama is actually being held by the illuminati for knowing too much and trying to tell the world and was only released after the election and until that point he was actually a hologram 

ashhole: hey troye 

itz ya boy troye: ye

ashhole: shut the fuck up and eat your fairy bread

itz ya boy troye: happily

itz ya boy troye: it’s a national delicacy

snowdude: dan just started screaming “life isn’t real” 

snowdude: okay they just fell face first on the couch and i think they’re gonna stay there for a few days

nonbunnary: n o t h i n g i s r e a l

emo lord: o h g o d

plant green eyes: dan look what you’ve done

jish on the drooms: i’m a motherfrickin starboy

ukulelerapbøy: look what u DUN

jish on the drooms: ayyyyyyyyyy

ukulelerapbøy: ayyyyyyyyyy

toothpaste: dammit i was gonna make that joke

rip: i want a divorce 

toothpaste: we aren’t married

rip: so

fronk: pete where have you been

rip: where have you been

herd: where have half of us been

salmon: honestly who knows

itz ya boy troye: it’s almost like there are too many people in this chat and it’s hard to include all of us 

suffering™: troye stop doing that

itz ya boy troye: no

stumpy stump: okay i think pete’s been sleeping for several days or something idk so what’s happened since then

nonbunnary: time isn’t real

snowdude: shush dan

nonbunnary: okay

planet green eyes: ashley and i are doing the dating thing 

ashhole: usernames have been changed

toothpaste: people have been added

emo lord: hi

fef65b: hi

pure™: hi

jonnie boi: hi

nonbunnary: and now i’m having a crisis

stumpy stump: so the usual

suffering™: basically

toothpaste: okay r a d 

[suffering™ has removed themselves from the chat]

[toothpaste has added suffering™ to the chat]

emo lord: if i’m not allowed to leave then neither are you ryan

suffering™: every fucking time

planet green eyes: also are we going to talk about how josh said “motherfrickin”

pure™: no i don’t think so

planet green eyes: okay


	23. gay for josh dun

itz ya boy troye: i just got added to some random chat

toothpaste: what by who

toothpaste: also add me

itz ya boy troye: i got removed

itz ya boy troye: also his name was gay for josh dun

jish on the drooms: ummmm ?

ukulelerapbøy: uMMMMMMM???????????????????????????????????????????

itz ya boy troye: i got added back okay

suffering™: by gay for josh dun ?

itz ya boy troye: nah his name is strong power thank you and he keeps screaming

snowdude: is he okay

itz ya boy troye: i'll ask hang on

itz ya boy troye: someone named jesus said no

godhatesmiles: ummm excuse them i am jesus with contradictory branding™

herd: okay but who is gay for josh dun

ukulelerapbøy: i am

fronk: other than you dickshit

itz ya boy troye: ayyy someone said that in the group chat you'd be great buds

salmon: who said it

itz ya boy troye: strong power thank you

toothbrush: oh i know him

rip: you do??

toothbrush: nah

itz ya boy troye: i'll find out who these people are hang on

itz ya boy troye: apparently jesus has 12 boyfriends wow

ukulelerapbøy: so jesus was dating the 12 disciples

herd: someone tell the jesus fandom

jish on the drooms: you mean christians

herd: no i meant the jesus fandom

planet green eyes: i just woke up and all i see is jesus has 12 boyfriends

itz ya boy troye: yeah pretty much

itz ya boy troye: apparently these people are in high school what how did that guy have my number

ukulelerapbøy: gay for josh dun ?

itz ya boy troye: ya

itz ya boy troye: he said it was an accident and that his thumbs are "too fucking big for the screen" and managed to get his friend's number wrong

itz ya boy troye: okay apparently strong power thank you's name is namjoon

jish on the drooms: oh so they're korean

stumpy stump: how'd you know that

jish on the drooms: namjoon is a korean name

rip: okay but they're in korea ????

itz ya boy troye: i guess so

itz ya boy troye: they're all pretty good at english and three of them are fluent so i'll be good

toothbrush: okay but a d d m e

suffering™: don't

suffering™: don't make these random kids suffer too

ukulelerapbøy: troye add me and i'll leave gay away

ashhole: what

ukulelerapbøy: i can't leave straight away bc i'm a homosexual but i can leave gay away

[riphas removed ukuelerapbøy from the chat]

[fronk has added ukuelerapbøy to the chat]

ukulelerapbøy: w o w

ukulelerapbøy: how dare you pete

rip: that pun was insufferable

ashhole: pete be nice

rip: no

planet green eyes: tyler i think you're my new hero

ukulelerapbøy: i do what i can

salmon: anyway so what the fuck is happening

fef65b: troye got added to a chat with some korean dudes accidentally and one of them is strong power thank you, one of them is jesus and one of them is gay for josh dun

emo lord: it's sad that that's one of the most normal sentences that has been said in this chat

jonnie boi: hang on

jonnie boi: strong power thank you ??????????

itz ya boy troye: i'm guessing it's some kind of in joke ???????????????

itz ya boy troye: tyler said frick u and now one of them is screaming

stumpy stump: who's screaming ???

itz ya boy troye: no

nonbunnary: you can't disagree with that ?????

itz ya boy troye: that's his username

itz ya boy troye: there's another one called yes

itz ya boy troye: okay so no's name is yoongi

rip: yeah bc his real name was definitely no

godhatesmiles: troye why are you live blogging your confusion

fef65b: just let the australia live his dreams

ashhole: wait you weren't here for that

fef65b: i got josh to explain some shit to me

fef65b: thanks josh

jish on the drooms: welc

itz ya boy troye: i just realised that the chat is named jeongguk appreciation squad

itz ya boy troye: i must find out who jeongguk is and why we are collectively appreciating them

nonbunnary: have fun on your little journey

snowdude: A QUEST FOR THE TRUTH

nonbunnary: WHY DID YOU YELL THAT AS YOU TYPED IT PHIL WTF

itz ya boy troye: okay jeongguk is kookie and i'm guessing his three boyfriends are the ones who decided to appreciate him

toothpaste: ryan and dallon why don't you appreciate me

suffering™: brendon do you really want the answer to that question

toothpaste: yeah no never mind


	24. IT'S SHANE GRAY

toothpaste: guys i’m at a formal event rn

suffering™: what the fuck

toothpaste: i don’t know how i got here though

toothpaste: or who these people are

toothpaste: or what this is

toothpaste: or where i am

pure™: what how did this happen

jonnie boi: don’t you need to rsvp to go to those

toothpaste: well apparently i did

toothpaste: i may or may not be high as fuck rn but honestly i can’t tell

suffering™: okay brendon i’m coming to get you

toothpaste: no i like it here

suffering™: no you don’t you’re coming home with me

salmon: kinky

suffering™: (1) how???? (2) aren’t you brendon’s sidehoe anyway

salmon: i am no one’s sidehoe

salmon: i am a main hoe

nonbunnary: you go salmon, be confident in yourself

salmon: shut your up

toothpaste: iM ON A S T A G E

suffering™: WHAT

suffering™: GET DOWN FROM THERE

toothpaste: NO YOU ARENT THE BOSS OF ME

suffering™: BRENDON SEND ME YOUR LOCATION RIGHT NOW

toothpaste: GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM MOM

salmon: k i n k y

toothpaste: IM SINGIN

snowdude: is he texting and singing simultaneously rn

toothpaste: YEP

toothpaste: someBODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD IS GONNA ROLL ME

stumpy stump: brendon send me your location and i’ll come get you

toothpaste: okay

suffering™: o h m y g o d

stumpy stump: brendon why the fuck are you at a high school rn

toothpaste: i think this is prom or something idk

stumpy stump: i’ll be there in half an hour okay don’t do anything stupid

toothpaste: wait where’s my shirt

suffering™: WHAT

toothpaste: i just realised i haven’t had a shirt on this whole time

suffering™: O H M Y G O D BRENDON

toothpaste: FUCK YOU MOM YOU CANT CONTROL ME

emo lord: i just woke up why is this the first thing i see

itz ya boy troye: it’s brendon no one has the answer

emo lord: oh right

ashhole: troye where have you been

itz ya boy troye: talking to gay for josh dun and co.

itz ya boy troye: they’re awake at the same time as me unlike you fuckers

godhatesmiles: i’m at your house rn troye

itz ya boy troye: yeah but i talk to you with words you don’t count

godhatesmiles: ashley where have you and lauren been this whole time

toothpaste: :^)

ashhole: shut the fuck up nodnerb

ashhole: and lauren’s doing some shit and i just woke up

planet green eyes: i am here now yes

planet green eyes: i just left an interview

toothpaste: THIS IS REAL THIS IS ME IM EXACTLY WHERE IM SUPPOSED TO BE NOW

salmon: PATRICK DRIVE FASTER

stumpy stump: I CANT THATS ILLEGAL

toothpaste: GONNA LET THE LIGHT

toothpaste: S H I N E O N M E

stumpy stump: OKAY IM NEARLY THERE

itz ya boy troye: THANK GOD

toothpaste: NOW IVE FOUND WHO I AM THERES NO WAY TO HOLD IT IN

stumpy stump: IM WALKING INSIDE

toothpaste: NO MORE HIDING WHO I WANNA BE

toothpaste: THIS IS ME

toothpaste: HEY PATRICKS HERE

stumpy stump: BRENDON GET DOWN

toothpaste: OH MY GOD IT'S SHANE GRAY

stumpy stump: HES SINGING WHILE TEXTING WHAT THE FUCK

stumpy stump: HES JUST WEARING SWEATPANTS RN

salmon: O H M Y G O D

toothpaste: PATRICK WHY ARE YOU DRAGGING ME IM HERE TO PARTYYYY

stumpy stump: WHY DIDNT YOU JUST SAY THAT OUT LOUD

emo lord: WHY IS EVERYONE SCREAMING

toothpaste: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no i don't really know what that was. my friend and i were at an awards show at school and we kept coming up with bullshit for this and then it escalated from there so yeah


	25. a/n - super important please read this one thanks

in light of recent events, i have gone through and edited melanie martinez out of this fic and i will no longer be supporting her. sorry i've been silent for a while, i've been stressed, but i felt that it is important for me to say this. if you don't know what happened somehow, just go to twitter, you'll find out pretty easily, or google it. i'll also be posting a real chapter in a few minutes. it'll be short, sorry, but it's something. this fic is not being discontinued, i just won't be updating as frequently as i rarely get sparks of inspiration for it, but today i did which, at least for me, is a good thing. i'm just here to clarify the change of tags and shit. so yeah, melanie is trash, i don't respect or support her anymore and she doesn't deserve to even be in a crackfic like this for what she did.


	26. troye has a thought

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whOOPS this is super short sorry

itz ya boy troye: guys

itz ya boy troye: i had a thought

ashhole: oh god

itz ya boy troye: peet weentz

emo lord: this is why i want to die

rip: troye you’re lucky i laughed at that

rip: i think patrick just died

stumpy stump: asdfghjklmknbhvcrfnencerfbw

[toothpaste has changed rip’s name to peet weentz]

peet weentz: why brendon

toothpaste: fuck u


End file.
